Hope...The Emotional Monkey

Hope... The Emotional Monkey

(How we do it and what we let it do to us)

I'll be honest, hope is something I've been thinking about alot lately. It's not something I grew up with- and not to misunderstand meanings.... I knew my words growing up, I knew a plethora (you like how I worked that in) of words growing up. I had a very hide reading and comprehension level at a very early age.  I read all of Twain's work before I was 8, all of Shakespeare's work before I was 10, and by the time I was 12 I had read North and South at least twice. During a road trip when I was?  8..... I read the entire Old Testament because it filled time. I was a reader. I knew my words, my definitions, I understood abstract concepts. I saw how they worked and applied in written literature... but I had no parallel for many of them in the real world.... my world. Hope, was one of them. It was not that I was without hope or thought things were hopeless, I just did not know that my life was supposed to have hope, hope for things, beliefs, wishes. 

Looking back I believe it is because Hope is the enemy of adaption. My life was adaption. Living, moving, adapting, never stagnant; never static. When we hope we create parameters, definitions of foundation for that hope.  Foundations have to be firm, not ever changing. Which is why hope probably does't mix well with adaption. 

I'm not sure when I figured out hope as a concept that could be applied to my own life. Maybe around the same time I figured out love (another word I read about but was never present in my daily life for application or to be received.) But needless to say I have learned it, in the very real way it is supposed to be experienced. felt, believed in.  I find though because my life is still such an 'adaptive' one that hope is and can be a very dangerous and painful thing. Placing eggs into a a basket as the basket is net yet even woven and different weavers keep coming and pull out reed to place and replace different aspects of the basket. Or no different than an architect placing all his visions of what can be, what he wishes to be on a foundation that the builders keep switching the materials for so the concrete never sets. 

I realize this is not the normal lens that people view hope through. This though has been the lens of experience my life has seen ft to give me and it makes hope both as special as it is dangerous to a person who lives a life such as mine. For most hope requires belief, faith.... I understand that, I agree with that... but for me ad those like me it requires even more... it also requires bravery. 

I wish that is something I could say is always easily found....