My Special Monkey
(Observations of a mom of autism)
My son has autism, to me, watching him with the outside world and watching him at home are completely different. My son is considered higher functioning so therapists and school systems teach him to 'appear passing'. But when he's not at school being mainstreamed under curriculum that many times is outside his comprehension or too abstract for his current level or at church trying to figure out social cues from other kids because he just wants to play.... When he's at home. I get to see the real him.
My son will turn 8 in the fall, but his speech and comprehension level is age 4-1/2. He's mainstreamed and finishing out First Grade with Resource Room additions & School Therapy. (Therapy that in truth in a whole month adds up to one visit outside covered by his ins..)
At home though he's not allowed to use those memorized phrases the therapist teach him that I hate. At home we have our own catch language that is on his level. A shorthand that we find ways to work explanations through for abstract things if we can. At home we have agreements.... We function on our own legal framework of household rules that instead of the law is the law and I'm the parent... works with his autistic obsessions, habits, patterns, and around things he hates but to mom's favor.
Take the soap schedule. Bathing for no child is fun. Younger children particular love the water but not the cleaning and sudsy part of bath time. Washing their own hair, scrubbing. My 8 year old with a 'younger soul' is no exception. It's that younger soul I have to work with. So finally we sat down and came up with a working agreement. A soap schedule. A bit of give, a bit of take. A negotiation we could both live with. My son did not want to use soap ever. That did not work for me (I use a 3-in-1 on him... shampoo, conditioner, and body soap all in one...less bottles less fighting...) so I gave him a leg.... he didn't have to use soap on the weekends. Which gave us a 5/2 split. My son countered that he wanted 4 days of no soap. I rebutted with 1 day..... told him to give me a better option. He said 5..... I pointed out he was going the wrong way and I could decide 0. So he threw out 3. I thought for a second, that seemed responsible as long as it was spaced. So I said yes, he said Friday, Saturday, Sunday. I said heck no. He wasn't going 3 days without soap. Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday. He agreed. Since then all bathing arguments have ceased. He makes a point to know what day it is and before he showers at night say whether it is a soap or no soap day.
Tooth brushing is still hit or miss but that is an issue of oral defensiveness not a "younger soul".
I smile and sometimes feel sad at these moments when I get the privileged of really seeing my son whereas others don't. He is obsessed with Pokemon... Not the cards. The show. When he's 10 he wants to go on a Pokemon Journey like the main character Ash. I get told he's PDD instead of Asbergers because he can accomplish make believe play... but those lines they draw I think are more blurred than they realize. My son may be able to come up with invisible or imaginary friends... But I think he thinks they are real. Just like he thinks Ash and Pokemon are real. For the moment I let him have his thoughts. I know he's almost 8 but his mind is processing at a younger level. I wouldn't crush a 4 year old... so why would I crush one in an 8 year old body. But I know one day I will have to crush it if his processing doesn't catch on....
Blue's Clues is another area of enjoyment. When he was younger he didn't have the speech or comprehension to follow along, now he's at that age speech and comp wise mentally to interact and he does. My 8 year old thinks Blue asks him questions, interacts with him, is his friend. No matter how many times he watches the same disc. He doesn't have to try harder or pick up cues way above his comprehension... its set for his level. So all he has to do is enjoy and interact, laugh and feel special.
These are all the things 'outsiders' miss. Even if they carry the labels of friends, associates, teachers, therapists. But I don't.
